I thought it was so far away. But six months flew faster than the blue jays who come visit us.

Sophie's new teachers came to visit us on Friday. I'd attended a "separation workshop" already, and following its suggestions, I let Sophie standing, watching me open the door, instead of what I always do, which is hold her in my arms. Instead, I held Lola so she wouldn't go wild.

The truth is, I did it because I was nervous. No -- I was freaked out. 

In said separation workshop, it finally sank in that I WON'T be there with Sophie in her class. I won't be there as she transfers beans and water and sweeps and polishes. Not even for a few weeks, till she feels comfortable, and I can leave her on her own. I'm just supposed to come with her and read a book, so I don't distract her.

So the teachers came in, and Sophie became very uncomfortable. They asked questions about Sophie, while I served them glasses of water, and Sophie became suspicious in daddy's arms.

The whole thing was too unfamiliar and different from what we usually do when we have visitors.

In the end, I had to go with her to her room, to her activity closet, to our bedroom… there she'd become curious about the teachers and talked about them, and I'd bring her back to the living room, but she still wouldn't be comfortable.

The time came for the teachers to leave. Sophie waved bye bye and said, "teachers." Then she wanted to see them again, peeking through the door while she waited for the elevator. Then she wanted to open the door 

It was a rush of emotions for me, and I wasn't able to see what I'd done, and what I should have done, until it was over.

 

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